Its that time of week again! David Shutes triple!

Heart Beat


There’s been a lot of media attention on the increasing number, and severity of rugby injuries in recent times – often as a result of players being bigger and fitter. What seems to have been forgotten is us poor sods who get overly worked up watching from the side-lines. It’s all very well the introduction of monitoring and techno equipment that measure everything that player’s do from diet to distance run and to brightness of their boots. Now, finally another bunch of blokes in white coats, who obviously have fuck all to do most of the time, have been checking out the blood pressure of the hordes who pitch up to watch. New Zealand boffins have been tracking the health of All Black fans and have discovered that when the ABs lose – especially in a World Cup - there is a serious spike in cardiac admissions to A & E. Conversely whenever the team win (as in 2011) there is a drop in the numbers keeling over – although  I’m a bit surprised that there wasn’t a bloody big rush of 999 calls in the last five minutes when France were only behind by one point! Luckily for the New Zealand docs the All Blacks tend to win a lot more often than they lose – fuck knows what would happen over here if fans down the ‘Tigers Head’ et  al  suffered similar health problems whilst watching the England football team. I imagine the NHS would actually have its own cardiac arrest from being severely over loaded. Fortunately they only have to deal with our fans biting each other’s ears off and the alcohol poisoning from trying to drown their sore heads. The stomach pumps would be working overtime which is more than the blokes with tubes down their throats would be doing anytime soon. Talking of pumps (clever eh?) I found another article which is worthy of being ‘tossed’ in here. In China a different set of ‘brokes hin why cose’ have invented a new machine that is about as much fun as finding out that your girlfriend used to be called Fred.  It’s wittily called an Automatic Sperm Extractor – and it probably does exactly what it says on the tin although you wouldn’t be able to read the instructions for laughing your pants down. It’s ‘hands free’ technology so I imagine it has blue tooth – which, blow me, is probably an added benefit on the deluxe model. It doesn’t say if you can get one fitted under the steering wheel although I expect it to be an option on new ‘HanShandee’ electric models out of Bejing. You’ve got to hand it to the Chinese – this is one machine that’s hard to beat!

Like a Girl


The Women’s Rugby World Cup starts next month in France and it’s going to be on TV. If you haven’t watched any Women’s rugby you should take time out to see some of the matches. Sky Sports will show 13 live matches, including all of the England games. You might be surprised, not just at the high levels of skill and athleticism but also at the big hits (no pun intended) that the girls put in. They take no prisoners and I have high hopes for the England team. Players like Emily Scarratt, Danielle Waterman  (Editors note :- ooooh.... she's my favourite! RCK!), Heather Fisher and Maggie Alphonsi are seriously good – you can see the full squad  at The Black ferns are tasty too (again no pun intended) and are just as serious about the game as the All Blacks! I’d also like to mention an ad developed by ‘Always’ entitled ‘Like a Girl’

– It’s worthwhile and worth seeing - they could do a lot worse than sponsor Women’s rugby and the England squad. Unusually for me I have resisted taking the piss today – Women’s rugby is no laughing matter – take time out to watch it and you’ll see what I mean.


Prop Idols


I spend quite a lot of time taking the piss out of the forwards and in particular the front row – something I would never have dreamed of when I was in the changing room (or anywhere within punching distance). From behind a keyboard it is relatively safe and I can troll away with impunity. Truth is, the forwards I played with spent a lot of time looking after us ‘girls’ in the backs – especially me – although that never did protect them from our predatory sense of humour (not that they understood or took much notice of us most of the time) I found this video clip of top tries by front rows and add it here as a tribute to all the great number 1, 2 and 3s I played alongside. Thanks to Chas, Kip, Rupert, Lunny, Sean, Doggy, Daisy, Scrapper, Brewster,Tom, Kieran, Peety, Jobber, Millie, Oaksey, Vic, Mad Dog and many others who I was lucky to wear the Askean shirt with (that’s figurative - we each had our own, obviously)



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